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Outlander (2008) DVDRip Movie Download

I want to really like Outlander… I really do. The potential of the story and the characters is about as great as you’ll find. Unfortunately, some poorly timed development problems shrunk the film’s budget, creating a great story that is poorly realized, but which still gives you some tantalizing glimpses into what the film could have been. Outlander is a perfect example of why people lose interest in films after they mysteriously disappear and drop off the face of the earth, a la flicks like House of 1000 Corpses, Fanboys, and Amusement. People know that if they keep getting pushed back and then dumped in a handful of random theaters across the country, then there must be something wrong with the movie… such is the case for Outlander.

The film starts with Space Jesus crash-landing in a lake. Space Jesus wakes up and finds himself in a strange place with no way of getting home. So he does what anyone who is the son of God would do… he goes traipsing around old school Norway with his trusty gun. Of course, he has the senses of Helen Keller, so some Viking bastard sneaks up on him and knocks him out… while on his horse. When he wakes up he gets his ass tortured, and then later that night a bunch of long-haired Viking fucks get eaten by a poorly drawn creature that is part angler fish, part dragon. The Vikings decide to trust the outlander, and let him develop a plot to kill the magnificent beast. It’s a solid tale… even when it was done as The 13th Warrior… which was simply a retelling of the classic epic poem Beowulf.

The direction in the film is solid and writer/director Howard McCain does everything within his power to make the film work. The shot selections are sweet, the storytelling is solid, and with the exception of aminor annoyance of a forced relationship between Space Jesus and some hairy-bushed Viking, everything here works. The best part about the film is that it is a solid R-rated flick full of glorious violence.

Of course, the worst part of the film is that the special effects are abysmal. Some of the monster scenes are laughable and play out like Mortal Kombat fatalities rather than visceral death scenes in a sci-fi horror flick. What makes it even worse is that WETA was at one time in talks to create the special effects for this film. If only the people behind this movie had been able to get it off the ground right, we could have a modern classic on our hands instead of a solid story with laughably bad special effects. But at least there are a lot of them, as people are sliced and diced throughout the film.

The cast is impressive, even if they aren’t all at the top of their game. Jim Caviezel… aka Jesus… gives a solid performance as Space Jesus. Of course, he doesn’t have to do too much besides look angry or confused at certain times. John Hurt is noticeable, but altogether forgettable as Rothgar, the current king of the Viking tribe. Jack Huston and Sophia Myles round out the leads, and though their performances are far from anything special, they don’t ruin the film. Then you have one of the most atrocious uses of a star in recent memory in the way too short appearance of Ron Perlman as a Viking warlord. Perlman’s lack of screentime is terrible, and the way he is wasted will infuriate most fans of The Modern Day Caveman.

The shittiest thing about this movie is that all the above annoyances and gripes still can’t manage to destroy the film completely. The story holds up despite all of these abominations and can still offer a good time to those seeking something fresh and original… even if it isn’t nearly as polished as it should be. If only the people behind this film had more money… or if only I had more money. Give me money.

Final Synopsis: Outlander could be really good… but its potential is wasted. As it is now, it’s barely worth a watch. If you love sci-fi or really liked The 13th Warrior, check this movie out.

Points Lost: -1 for shit CGI, -1 for wasting Ron Perlman, -1 for a forced love story, -1 for Space Jesus

Lesson Learned: If you’re trying to sneak up on someone, grab your trusty horse.

Burning Question: Seriously… why bother putting Ron Perlman in this at all?

Outlander
6/10 or It’s like a glory hole in a gay bar… it’s worth trying at least once. Who knows? You may even love it.